When Experiments Backfire
by Zenin
Summary: The Queen of Chaos is at it again...but something goes terribly wrong in her newest diabolical plan to rid the earth of the goody-two-shoe gods. What happens when the world finds things a bit mixed up? No, more than just a bit mixed up...
1. The Plan

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When Experiments Backfire_  
_by Zenin

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I hate 'em.

I hate 'em all. All those goody-goody gods…Mithros, The Dark God, The Goddess, The Graveyard Hag, Broad Foot, Rattail, Sarra, Weiryn…all of 'em. 

They've ruined my life for what? The billionth time? And now that I've finally been set loose, do they think that they can escape my righteous wrath? My diabolical plans? HA! They'll never escape this one. This one goes beyond all other evil plots. Ohh, yes. This one is The Plan. The spell to end all spells. I will finally control the universe. And you know what? I'm going to have all the other gods as my adoring slaves. And I might even rig up a taxi system with the dragons. And…

I'm going to make Mithros grovel in dung for years on end.

It's brilliant! Brilliant!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

Now, if only I could find something that will stop my stupid body from morphing. This is the third time today that I've started to laugh maniacally, only to end in braying like a donkey.

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*Giggles uncontrollably* Ohhh…no one's ever done this before…I hope. This is a short story that is going to be completed tonight. Don't forget to review, please! It's my first chapter story that I've uploded all at once. And it's short, okay? Very short and just for fun.

© 2002 Zenin Industries


	2. The Experiment

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When Experiments Backfire_  
_by Zenin

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"ALRIGHT PEOPLE! TWENTY-FOUR SECONDS TO ENDING THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!"

Chaos was in her element. Slaughter looked slightly annoyed as she clapped her hands, now rapidly merging into flippers, excitedly. "Woof! Meow! RIBBIT!!"

He sighed. Things just hadn't been the same since her release from the immortals prison. She'd learned such shocking language… He opened his mouth to speak, then stopped, blinking. Chaos had just turned into a tree stump, something she hadn't done since the dawn of the Human Era. He paused patiently as she rapidly turned into a bunny rabbit that immediately hopped over to him and smacked him over the head with a bat wing. 

"Stop staring, you fool and get ready!"

Slaughter nodded glumly and tried to find his comrades in arms, Malady and Starvation. The Sorrows had been childhood friends with Chaos, willingly obeying her every wish even when she acted a bit strange. So far, nothing had succeeded in boosting their position in the main goal of universal domination, but this time a breakthrough had been made. Chaos was absolutely sure that they were going to succeed.

"Five…"

Malady was floating dismally in the air, watching intently as Chaos drew a triangle on her forehead that shimmered like a star. She closed her eyes tightly and clacked her beak together in fitful concentration. Starvation was lyuing on the ground dreaming of chocolate puddings again. Slaughter sighed. Maybe, one day, they'd all get to eat chocolate pudding like the Great Gods. 

"Four…"

Everyone straitened with interest as Chaos' now flowing auburn hair swirled around her slender body. This was unusual. She had never managed to be completely one thing before…and now she had on a—should he say it?—normal façade of a human being. Odd…

"Three…"

Everyone held their breath as she whispered words beneath her breath, an almost insane grin on her face.

"Two…"

Uh-oh. Something must have gone wrong. Chaos' eyes snapped open, a sudden uncomfortable look entering her eyes. She still retained the woman shape, but it wasn't that. No…it was…oh, damn.

The three Sorrows muttered a folorn "One." and a brilliant boom shook the airy kingdom of the Realm. 

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The next thing they knew, they were all sitting on the floor of the Totallan mortals' palace. Chaos raised unsure eyes to her cronies and froze in shock. 

They weren't alone.

Mithros, the Sun Lord, was looking around the banquet hall, smiling in wonder. The Goddess was twirling a strand of ebony hair as she chewed a wad of gum. Gainel was no longer looking so pale and secretive. Instead, he stood, stretched, and walked over to a stunned Chaos; ignoring the groans of the all the other gods that had fallen into the mortal realm.

"So, what's up?"

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^___^ Don't forget to push the happy lavender button there. It's calling your name…

© 2002 Zenin Industries


	3. The Problem

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When Experiments Backfire_  
_by Zenin

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"DUUUUUDE!"

Gainel glanced at Mithros, who was now running towards a stack of ceremonial swords. The gods had changed on their trip down. The Graveyard Hag was no longer so hag-ish. Instead, a beautiful girl with softly curling auburn hair was now primping in one of the many mirrors in King Jonathan's court. The Goddess had lost much of her motherly look and was now blowing bubbles with a huge wad of gum she had somehow managed to procure. Chaos was seated on the floor, staring at her hands in disbelief and fidgeting with her new, stable form. She had long silvery hair and starry grey eyes, which was actually what she had looked like when she had been a young goddess. 

The gods had changed, not only in looks, but also in personality.

Gainel smiled smoothly down at Uusoae. "An angel must have fallen from heaven 'cause you here with me tonight."

Chaos promptly stood and stared at him. "Are you crazy? I'm trying to kill you all! Shut up and leave me alone so I can figure out what went wrong!"

"C'mon, you _know_ you want me…"

The Dark God found his way and shoved Gainel aside, eyes blazing. "What is going on here???"

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Well, someone had retained their normalness…Chaos thought gratefully. She paused. The Dark God had spoken. And shoved the Dream King. That was getting a bit violent for him. _Erm, I guess he's gotten in touch with his physical side…_

Malady was giggling to himself as Starvation spoke up, answering the Dark God's question. "Oh, weweretryingtodestroyyouguysaandUusoaehadsuchacoolideaandfirstshechangedintoafrongandthenalogandthenshestarted swearingandthenwehadareallycoolcountdownthingummieandtheneverythingwentboom!andthenwewerehereandnowMithros istryingtoplaywithswordswhichisreallynaughty'causeyoushouldneverplaywithsharpknivesFatherUniversetoldmesoseveralmill eniaagoand—"

A sudden screech came from over where Mithros was. "OWIES! WAAAAHAAAAA!!!"

"—andnowhe'scuthimselfandITOLDYOUSO!!!"

The Goddess stood, and looked disdainfully down at Starvation, a plump hyper-active youth who was now chowing down on a box of donuts. "Like, say it; don't spray it."

Chaos, or I guess we should say, Uunoae, was looking a little depressed. "It wasn't supposed to be like this…How can Mithros hurt himself if he's a god?"

The Dark God groaned, then punched Gainel; who was being remarkably receptive to everything. The answer had hit them like a ton of loaded chamber pots.

They were mortal.

"DUUUUUDE!!!"

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^___^ Don't forget to push the happy lavender button there. It's calling your name…

© 2002 Zenin Industries


	4. The Results of the Problem

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When Experiments Backfire_  
_by Zenin

~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~

Things weren't going so swell up in the sky.

Jonathan was sitting on Mithros' throne, smiling to himself. _Oh yeah, I could get used to this... Hmm, cushy..._

Numair Salmalín, who was now hobbling around in imitation of The Graveyard Hag, abruptly interrupted his daydreams. "You will DIE, King Jonathan! DIEEE!!!"

Daine stared helplessly. Where was Father Universe when you needed him?

Alanna was running around excitedly. "Does this mean I get to be Mother Goddess? Huh? Can I? After all, I'm the one who's gods-blessed…"

Daine gently broke into her excited chatter. "Alanna, you _are_ a goddess. We are all gods."

"ALRIGHT! GODDESS ALANNA RULES!"

Daine blinked. If Numair was taking the place of the Graveyard Hag, and, King Jon was Mithros, and Alanna was taking the place of the Goddess (not that the Goddess would act that way), and Daine was acting as the Green Lady...who was going to be Uunoae? Queen Thayet began to laugh darkly, a strange expression flickering across her face as she gazed, unblinking, at her husband.

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Heh...

Thayet quickly sprouted feathers and bellowed like an elephant. "DIE, Prince Perfect, DIE!!!"

Jonathan looked alarmed and leapt off the throne to hide behind it. "Thayet?"

"MOO!!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Daine turned away from the scene, frightened. Chaos had been pretty strange to look at, but seeing Thayet morph was even worse. _We have to do something...I wonder how this happened? Hey, who's acting as my dad?_

An arrow zoomed by, whistling shrilly as it buried itself in the trunk of an oak. Daine turned slowly, scared at what she would find.

She had a good reason to be scared.

Lord Wyldon stood there, half naked, with a bow and quiver in his hands; as well as to lumpy horns protruding from where his hair should have been. 

"Daine," he intoned, voice low and booming. "I. AM. YOUR. FATHER."

"NOOOOOO!!!!"

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Back in the happiest kingdom on earth…

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"Like, wow, like that must have like _so_ totally hurt."

Mithros sat on the edge of the raised pavilion, sobbing fitfully as The Graveyard Hag attended to the scratch on his knee. It was a minute injury, but Mithros had blown the incident into astronomical size. The Goddess was standing there, watching the entire thing with wide, interested eyes as she continued twirling the strand of hair. Mithros bawled shamelessly.

"I al-al-almost chopped off my he-he-he-heeeaaad! Waaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaa!!!"

The Graveyard Hag was losing her patience. "Look, your head is here and your knee is there…there's a big difference!"

Mithros jerked away from her and slapped her hand. "Meanie! I almost DIED! You don't like me! WAAAAAAA—"

Chaos watched everything from in her corner. "This could work." Her eyes shifted from Mithros' squawling to The Dark God brooding in his own corner. "I could make this work. All I'd need to do is just kill them all. That it. I'll just kill them all…"

Gainel was swaggering up to her again. "Yo."

"Go away."

The Dark God was in need of more physical therapy. He calmly decked The Dream King and went back to his corner, watching everything through shifty eyes.

Sarra, ever sensible, walked into the room from her stroll around the palace grounds. "Mithros, it's time for the audience with the Tortallan people."

Mithros stopped bawling momentarily. "Really?" he asked, peeking from between his fingers.

The Goddess sighed and popped another bubblegum bubble. "We are so, like, totally toast."

The Dark God glared at everyone as he stood, towering. "SHUT UP! I'M going to take care of it!" he snarled angrily.

No one objected.

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^___^ Don't forget to push the happy lavender button there. It's calling your name…

© 2002 Zenin Industries


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